In The Silence

Posted: May 22, 2012 in Uncategorized
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It’s in the silence

I felt the magnitude

of my mistakes,

the stumbling effect of a glass half empty,

the look of hatred dripping from your eyes.

It’s in the silence

I feel your ghost haunting my every step,

watching me crawl

through time’s joke,

bending down to kiss me goodbye

while I slip into a coma.

It’s in the silence

I spin webs through galaxies

connecting impossibilities.

I lie motionless, emotionless

In silence.

 

It Is

Posted: April 26, 2012 in Uncategorized
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I fell asleep

Thinking of our past

The intricacies

Navigating through Life’s time

Laughing at my reasoning

And stupidity

Stumbling on what was right, i thought.

A thought,

Mistakes came and went

And my past is entwined

In your mistakes and victories.

It’s no longer right or wrong

It’s past that.

I saw you

It is is

Always is.

And your blue

tells me stories

of us

That still is.

Time separated

But memory brings past to present.

i fell asleep sometime in this

Wrapped in my memories, warmed from its arms and legs.

image

It is a Beautiful Disaster,

Blindly moving into

space

Towards the within

Which bleeds

Tears of catastrophes.

It is Beautiful

In that the eyes see

Something

Not seen,

Hands touch

Something

Not touched,

Lips speak

Something

Previously unspoken.

It is a Disaster

In that the push-pull could not cease,

The time spent staring

Into voids

are consuming,

The unspokens are louder

then voices.

A Beautiful Disaster

In that

As the ship sinks,

We can admire the construction,

The definitions,

The ocean

In which we find our way

To the bottom,

Breathe water

Into lungs

And surrender merciful to the inevitable.

It is a Beautiful Disaster,

In that I can

still smell you,

Taste you,

Love you

though we are separated by oceans

where I surrender in our void.

Bottle of Pills

Posted: April 9, 2012 in Uncategorized
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A bottle of pills

Ingested suicide

              Your boy was only six.

He thanks you for the peanut butter sandwich

              And getting him to kindergarten.

Do you think he wanted to tell you about school?

Do you think he wanted to break things outside?

              But he spent his afternoon trying to fix you.

                                                                    At six he’s saving you.

My boy, the world is big

Be that kid

                with the blue eyes

                                             Amazed.

Do you remember the ambulance?

I’m sure he does.

You being carted in. Big men

His Dad, angry, scared!

My boy, were you scared?

Probably,

       For who’s going to make you peanut butter sandwiches?

Who’s going to talk about school?

    You ingesting suicide.

Your boy found you selfless

Was that your plan?

                                 Your selfish action.

 

Metallic blinds, dusty drawn

            Filter light, morning fog

Silhouette abstract dark

Pronounced on the walls.

Perception of events

                                     Mind makes real.

What happened an atmospheric ripping

                                                                         of brilliant lightning

         And it struck in one place.

You ol’ man, told me lightening doesn’t strike twice

in one place.

                   Liar

I proved you wrong

I have witnesses

                            Metallic blinds

And shadows

And pictures, and plants, and lamps, and sheets

And pillows, and clothes, and the desk

I have witnesses

                           Ghosts.

MOVE!

Posted: March 19, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Hello World.  Lately folks have been wondering what I’m doing to prepare for this race season in the mist of chaos and stormy weather.  Well, when i find the moments to lift me head up from the hoppy goodness of my recovery drinks,  I find some light and move.  Yes move!

My training schedule (if ya want to call it that), consists of movement.  If I’m not in the pool busting countless laps, or on my single speed hurting my legs till I feel no pain, I’m walking, working and thinking.  Constantly moving in my mind and body.  And this movement has given me some sort of grasp on sanity.  Without movement, I would falter, lay down on the ground and shove off this mortal coil.

So my question today is this:  How important is movement to you?  Be it athletics, jobs, school, social scenes, music, writing and the list goes on.  I think time is both are friend and enemy.  We have time to slow it all down and take that time to recover, to think, to understand.  But in a flash that time has passed us by and we sit with the sand  slipping through our grasp.  So, movement becomes of vital importance to engage in time’s reality.  But for me, it’s a constant battle.  I want what I want.  And I want it now!  Daily, I think about our fragile lives.  Mine, my friends, family and yours.  I think about our flashes of existence and want to hold on with all I have.  And grab what is floating above me to pull it close to my heart.  I want it!   However, I’m searching for a flow, like a perfect wave or perfect single-track.  It’s hard.  FOR SURE!!!!

I keep moving!  Today the pool – tomorrow the pool-the next day, my bike,then the gym.  My arms ache and I can hardly lower my self to a chair because my legs wither in pain.  I keep moving.  Is it the podium step that will stop me and time for a second or two.  Or is it the post event bliss, knowing I did all that I could, want to share a Ninkasi with me joy.  Sitting in the sun, bloody, dirty, exhausted and completely satisfied . Time and movement no longer exist.  We train hard.  But I will race harder.

“So it’s stormy on the lake. Little waves our bodies break” – Bon Iver.   I love this lyric.  I imagine myself knee deep in a coastal lake.  Wind driving from the south.  Spring in the air.  I’m standing alone as the small waves break waist high.  I’m standing strong as the tumultuous environment tries to swallow me.  I alone in my thoughts and actions.  Can you see yourself there?  Standing strong against a brutal beautiful environment.  I imagine you there-  steadfast, longing, loving.  Black sphere eyes making sense of your world and the world that is in you………Can you lie in the water and drown yourself?  Or do you have the will to breathe the warm semi-crisp spring air.  Do you want something as much as you want to breathe?

I do!  The motion is to find success on many levels.  Sure I can ride a bike fast.  Sure I can graduate from the towers of higher education.  Sure I can love as big as the infinite universe going out towards the unknown and coming in towards the within.  But the challenge lies in making these many aspects a singular motion towards satisfaction and a warm comforting breath at the end of the day.

I am large. I contain multitudes, writes Whitman.  These most powerful words were spoken to me in a whisper sometime in the early morning after I pulled up the sheets and before I began to dream.  I am large.  I contain multitudes.  For I am a poet, surfer, bike rider, swimmer, friend, brother, son, lover.  I am large!  Are you?  Are you wiling to look in the mirror and say I contain multitudes.  Realizing the millions of rolls you play in a day.  It’s your turn reader………….to want something as much as you want to breathe, to stand in the stormy lake as waves break around your strong body.

I am with you reader.  Bike in hand.  Book in hand. Music in ear.  I am smiling huge on my next downhill run, my next poem, my next lap.   I’m charging….I’m laughing.  Want to join in? Yes you do.  Ha  Let’s roll!